10 THINGS I LEARNED AFTER LOSING MY PARENTS

When I was 9 y.o. I lost my Mom unexpectedly. It’s been twenty four years++ now (yes. 24 years and more ; counting). And last year I lost my Dad, and the pain is still very real.

Over the course of those years I have come to realize many things that I feel need to be shared with others.

I know there are many other young women who are in my shoes. To our friends, these are the things we want you to know.

1. WE'RE SORRY.

We are sorry for being quiet every time you talk about your Mom (and also about your Dad) to us. We don’t mean to sound uninterested or make you feel that your happiness is unimportant to us. It’s just that when you talk about moments with your Mom and or your Dad, it takes us back to moments with ours. Moments we wish we could relive and share with you, too. We don’t get quiet on purpose; it kind of just happens. It’s our mind’s way of protecting us from bursting out in tears.

2. ASK ABOUT OUR MOM & DAD.

We want to share her and him with the world and when you ask about her/him, it fills our heart with so much joy to know that someone is actually interested in knowing her/ him like we did. You’ll just have to excuse us as we talk through the tears.

3. PLEASE  DON'T TRY TO UNDERSTAND OUR HEARTACHE.

We appreciate the effort, we really do. But the truth is, unless you’ve lost a parent, you TRULY CAN'T UNDERSTAND !

4. LISTEN.

That’s the best thing you can do for us. When we have a bad day and need to talk to someone, be that someone. You don’t even have to say much, just reassure us every once in a while that you are still hearing us.

5. Please, please, please DON'T TAKE YOUR MOM / DAD FOR GRANTED.

We love you and we don’t want you to feel our pain someday. Please don’t just assume she/ he will be there for you.

6. MAKE MEMORIES.

Don’t have time? Bullshit!. You always have time for the ones you love.

7. ALWAYS tell her and him you love them.

I don’t care if you two just got in a screaming fight and you feel in that moment you hate her/ him. You don’t. I promise in a few hours you’ll realize how ridiculous it was to even think of the H word. Before you walk out that door or hang up that phone, say it.

8. FORGIVE US. WE ARE BROKEN.

Sometimes that shows a little more than usual. When my Mom's and dad’s left this earth, they took pieces of our heart and soul with them. On occasion those pieces feel as though they are slowly being glued back together. But then there are the times when they feel like they are being ripped apart in shreds. This may bring out a side of us we aren’t used to. If there are times when we may not seem like our normal selves, please understand we are grieving immensely. Losing someone of such importance changes a person. We are being molded into a new place in our lives. It’s a slow process and a fragile one. Please, forgive us.

9. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU, TOO MY FRIEND.

When that unfortunate day comes about when you lose one of your parents, we are here. Day or night. Rain or shine. Just call us and we’ll be there. We know all too well the pain you are enduring and we will do everything in our power to comfort you.

10. WE ARE (SO) JEALOUS OF YOU.

I’m willing to admit it, and I’m sure others are, too. We are so jealous that you still have your mom and dad in your life that we have to put the brakes on the eye rolls that are ferociously trying to take over. We don’t mean to feel this way. It seems so selfish, and in a way, it is. You have to understand, we are experiencing feelings we’ve never felt before and trying to find ways to cope.